Emmett, Nessie, and the Monster in the Closet
by Still-Obsessed
Summary: Nessie is being babysat by Emmett and runs to Emmett in fear when she says that she heard a monster in her enormous closet. What does Emmett try to do to help? Poll results are in!
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hi! First place was 'Emmett, Full House, and Nessie's Monster' and 'Emmett and Santa'. Yay! I changed the title, if you have't noticed. The first one was a bit stupid. Not that this one's that much better :) Thank you to all who voted. If you want the more detailed results of the poll, go to my profile.**

**P.S. The chapters are going to be coming a bit later and may also be shorter. Sry.**

**Disclaimer: No matter how much I wished I did, I do not own Emmett or Twilight. Or Renesmee. Or *holds back a sob* EDWARD.**

**Summary: Nessie is being babysat by Emmett and runs to Emmett in fear when she says that she heard a monster in her enormous (thanks to Alice) closet. What does Emmett try to do to help?**

**This chapter references another FF of mine, "I Think We Lost Nessie", which I DO own (Yay! I own something! Finally). It is not very relevant to the story, but it is also a humor story of Emmett and Jasper screwing up.**

"Calm down!" I told Bella, who was looking at me apprehensively, as usual.

No trust, absolutely no trust. What had I ever done to make them so nervous to leave me with their daughter?

Ok, scratch that. I have done plenty to make feel so nervous about that. Losing their only child, for example. In fact, I kind of judge them for leaving me with her now.

Anyway, Edward struggled to drag Bella out the door, which just made Bella hold Renesmee tighter to her body in a chokehold. And she complains that my hugs hurt. Tough love!

"Bella, love," Edward said to her. "I think Nessie is trying to breathe. Loosen your arms around her, please. I'm sure, Emmett will do his best to babysit her. Besides, it is already late. She is going to fall asleep in a little while and then Emmett's work would be done. Although," he raised his eyes to look at me, "that does _not_ mean you can leave."

"No, really?" I said with a snort. "Duh, Edward. I know better than to leave a child in a house alone."

"You didn't seem to know better when you dressed in a pink tutu," Edward said coyly.

Long story…

The only reason I didn't jump at him and wipe that stupid little smirk right off his face was that I knew Nessie was still watching us (from Bella's unwavering , rock-solid arms). Edward monitored my reaction and seemed to be surprised.

"Well, well, well. Little Emmie is growing up, isn't he?" he said, far too low for either Bella and Nessie to hear him.

Wimp. He was probably scared Bella would yell at him or something.

"Eddie, why don't you [censored] [censored] [OMG, so definitely BEEP!]," I said, with a smile plastered on my face, making me look like a Barbie doll.

Bella relinquished her hold of Nessie and was pulled to the door by Edward. She stared at me the whole time.

Women. So dramatic.

Nessie looked up at me and smiled. I smiled back at her and scooped her up to give her a piggyback ride to her room.

Well, except maybe for just this woman. I liked her.

Nessie had already been in her pajamas when Bella and Edward were leaving. I waited for her to wash her teeth and everything. I then waited for her to pick out a story to choose as her bedtime story. Secretly, during all this time, I was wondering if I was too late for the Rangers Hockey game. Hurry up, Nessie! Finally, she picked out a book.

I raised an eyebrow as I looked up form the book to Nessie. "_Romeo and Juliet_?" I asked. "Seriously, kid?"

Nessie nodded. "It is a notable and highly prestigious book."

I love Nessie, but sometimes she freaks me out. What three-year old wants to read Romeo and Juliet? I don't even like that story that much. Way too many people die. Including Mercutio. I really liked that dude.

Anyway, I decided not to argue and just read the play, so that I could quickly watch the game. I insisted on reading until Act 2, Scene 6, just before the scene where Mercutio dies. I tend to get overly emotional when I read that part. I kissed Nessie good night, tucked her properly into bed, and shut the door on my way out.

I turned on the TV to see that they had only started three minutes ago, so I was in luck. Suddenly, a piercing shriek came from up from Nessie's room. She was in the living room (*snort*) before I had time to rush up the stairs.

Nessie's eyes were wide and scared. Her bottom lip was quivering and she looked ready to start crying. "Nessie, what's wrong?" I asked, surprised at her expression.

"Monster!" she yelled as she hid her face and auburn curls in my chest. "In my room! No way am I ever going back up there ever again! NEVER!"

Great. Now how was I going to watch the game?

**AN: Not much happens here. Next chapter will be more interesting. This chapter was just the building blocks for the story.**

**Please leave your reviews!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry for my virtual nonexistence, people! Time flies when you are being tortured by school… Anyway! Second chapter is now up! Read and ENJOY!**

Nessie remained stubbornly on my lap, her face hidden in my chest, refusing to move.

"A monster?" I asked wearily.

"Yes," was the muffled response.

I sighed. I wanted to watch the game, alright? Here I was, thinking that I had arrived just in time for the begging. Well, think again, Em. Apparently, a monster lives in this house. Oooh, creepy.

Not.

I picked Nessie up and placed her on the ground. She grabbed hold of my leg and wouldn't let go of it no matter how hard I tried to pull her off. That made walking up the stairs very awkward but I still managed to do it.

"Nessie?" I said, quite patiently.

"Yes?" she replied.

"Get off my leg, please," I said.

"No, thank you," she answered sweetly.

"Alright," I answered and trudged on to reach her room.

I opened the door and peered inside. The duvet had been thrust aside, on the floor, in Renesmee's rush to get away from the 'monster'.

I picked it up and placed it on the bed again.

"Renesmee," I began firmly, taking her in my arms and placing her on the bed, "everything seems normal in here."

"Did you check in the closet?" she whispered fearfully.

"The closet?" I asked. "No, not yet."

"The monster is in there," she said confidentially, nodding seriously .

Again, I sighed and opened the closet door.

There were a lot of clothes, a lot of pink stuff, but nothing strange seemed to be in there. I even rifled through some of her stuff, although my 'search' was a bit superficial. Damn Alice. Is there a single store in the United States of America which she had not bought clothes for Nessie from? Very pink clothes, too.

God, I hate pink.

I emerged from the closet door and turned to see Nessie curled up in the bed, shaking.

I sighed. See? This is why TV should be forbidden from all peoples' homes. It gives little kiddies all these weird ideas and scary thoughts. I, myself, cannot see the movie 'The Hand that Rocks the Cradle' without shrieking at the scary scenes.

But, wait, if there isn't a TV, how am I supposed to watch sports? SCRATCH THAT PREVIOUS THOUGHT! A television must be placed in every single families' house.

Anyway, as I moved toward Nessie, ready to glue her to the bed if necessary, saying, "Look, Ness. There is absolutely nothing in the—"

"EMMETT!" she yelled suddenly, her eyes growing wider and wider by the second. "Behind you!"

I turned around and saw a black shape floating.

Aw, sh**.

**AN: I promise I won't make you wait as long as I just did for the next chapter, alright? Leave a review, please!**

**Oh, and I know that 'The Hand that Rocks the Cradle' is a really old movie, but I didn't want Emmett to be scared of something obvious like 'Jaws' or something. Which I have never seen, by the way, because I am too chicken.**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Oh my God, you hate me don't you? Dammit. I knew it. Sorry. I can't say it enough. Reviews, please?**

I grabbed Nessie and ran all the way down to the first floor landing. Then, I placed her on my back, piggy-back style, and ran out the house as fast as I could.

"See!" she yelled. "I told you there was a monster in my room!"

"Yes," I said, as I kept running further and further from that house, nearing Forks' city limits. "You were right, I was wrong. Women rule the world, girl power, rah rah rah. _Please_ be quiet so that I can think."

She grumbled a little but still managed to stay silent.

Ok, I analyzed in my head. There is a 'monster' in the house we live in.

Sure, no problem. I can deal with that. I mean, I **am** a monster. In fact I was a _very_ muscular, quite handsome, and very – Enough, Emmett! Focus.

No, what I can't deal with is the fact that he was terrorizing my niece. I mean, don't get me wrong. Nessie is annoying and all, but she is still my brother's daughter. I needed to take care of her. I had promised Edward I would.

But, well, um, right now, at this exact moment, the time you are reading this… I'm a wee bit scared, to be honest.

There, I said it. I am afraid. Now, you can tease me to the grave. Oh, wait—.

Nessie interrupted my jumbled thoughts.

"Uncle Emmett, what are you going to do? I can't sleep with that thing in there!"

"Right." I nodded. Point A.

"I mean," she continued, "What if it tries to eat me?"

I considered it for a moment. Highly unlikely. Nessie could probably bite his head off. But, still, we'll consider it Point B.

"Look, honey," I said. "Why don't we go to grandpa Charlie's and leave you there for the night."

"But, why?" she whined. God, what was it with kids and those stupid high-pitched voices? She made my ears hurt.

"Well, to get you away from the monster. You don't want to be around him when he attacks, do you?"

She shook her head solemnly. "No. I really don't."

"Right," I said. "That's why you need to leave, and I need to brave the doors of the Cullen residence in search of this monster we just saw."

"Fine. Just get me away from it!" She squeaked again. God, she must be part human, part vampire, and part mouse.

And what an ungrateful brat! I'm risking my life for her and she doesn't even wish me luck!

She needs to hang out around me more often. I know how to teach people good manners.

I ran with her on my back to Charlie's house. As soon as I neared the house, I took her off my back and she landed swiftly on the ground.

"Now, listen." I told her, sternly. "I don't want you to mention any of this to Charlie. This is a weird for a vampire, what will a human think? Just agree with whatever story I tell him, alright?"

"Cool," she agreed.

See, this is the stuff I teach her. I swear, she is becoming a better person just by being around me. Now, if I could only de-pitch her and her stupid voice, she would be perfect.

I held her hand as we walked up the porch stairs and knocked the door. I heard Charlie heave a groan as he got off his chair and walked to the door. The floorboards creaked under his weight. When he opened, the door, the first thing I noticed was his potbelly. I kid you not, he looked like Bella when she was pregnant.

"Man, you got fat!" I whispered.

"Excuse me?" he asked.

"Um… Oh, you're home. Phat!" I reiterated quickly.

"Well, yes, I am home. The Rangers are playing." He said, eyeing me curiously. He then leaned to the floor and pulled Renesmee in to a hug. "And what are you doing up, not asleep." He gave me another stare as he said that last part. I got my story ready.

"Well, here's the thing, Charlie," I began. "Bella and Edward aren't around, and I was left to babysit for their daughter." I patted the head of said daughter affectionately… or in a way that might be presumed to be affectionate.

"But, you see, I forgot that it was Roses' birthday tomorrow, and I still haven't bought her anything. She demands to have her gift early in the morning. Dude, don't ask me why, but she does. So, seeing as I haven't bought her anything, I'm leaving to Chicago right now to go see if I can buy her anything and surprise her with it. I can't possibly take care of a girl while running around stores, begging them to stay open so I can see some of their stuff. Therefore, I would appreciate it if Nessie stayed with you."

I almost took a bow; I was so proud of myself. That had to be the best lie I have ever told. And completely believable, too.

"And you can't just tell Bella and Edward to buy something from wherever they are at? Or EXPLAIN to Rose that you were busy. Surely she knows you were taking care of Renesmee."

I glared at him. "I just can't," I said grumpily. He RUINED my lie!

"Alright, come in, Nessie." He looked a little scared.

Renesmee went in without a fight. She really did look tired. I kissed her swiftly, told her to be a good girl (Charlie whispered, "You're one to talk."), and walked away from Charlie's eyesight.

As soon as I was away, I ran all the way home and as soon as I got to the front door, I slowly opened it and peered inside. I walked up the stairs, and opened the door to Nessie's room slowly. There it was! Oh my God, Emmett, don't run. I fisted my hands, prepared to throw a punch, while utterly terrified.

Wait… was that Professor Snape?

"Yes, it is," he answered.

Are you doing that Legimency thing? I thought,

"I am," he said.

"Cool." I said.

And then me and Professor Snape made hot chocolate and watched the Rangers game, while bonding on our mutual hatred of Pansy Parkinson and Professor Sprout.

**THE ENDDDD!**

**P.S. Yes, the ending will change… Maybe even this entire chapter. I just wanted to write something. :P Hope it at least made you smile! Don't worry. The (real) ending is nigh!**


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